So, you’ve gotten yourself onto this site, or some other online dating site, and you’re trying to figure out who to message. Most online services don’t actually let you do a keyword search (we do!) They don’t choose matches based on the most important criteria for having a healthy, compatible relationship. The first thing you’ll see in the search on most sites is just a picture and a username. So how do you choose? What do you look for?

If you are on a different site than this one, it can be a challenge, because of how they limit searching.

Use the advanced search, if they have it. This way you can choose as many important criteria as you can. And if you are searching here, you’ll notice that you can put in keywords, to find things that are in the longer text sections of her profile.  But the most important thing is to not choose just based on a picture (or pictures.) It’s important to read the details of as many profiles as you can – you want to know more about her – and pictures aren’t the whole story.

There are some relatively rare situations in which you can eliminate someone based on the picture only. For instance, you don’t drink much, but the person’s profile picture has her with a drink in her hand. Or you know you aren’t attracted to women who wear makeup, and she has a lot of it on. But even if she might be a bit more femmy or butchy than you are usually attracted to, it’s worth clicking through to read her profile, and see if anything resonates with you.

As we’ve said many times, it can be dangerous to put attraction first, so don’t do it when you are searching for women to message online.

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