Some women have a really hard time telling someone they are dating that they don’t want to keep going. In fact, learning that skill is really necessary, because otherwise, you might end up in all sorts of trouble (or in a relationship you don’t want, and believe me, we’ve heard stories like this.)

And of course, this conversation is going to be different after 1 or 2 dates than it would be after, say, 10 dates.  And the depth of the conversation will depend on how well you got to know each other, and how much investment you both had in the dating process.

Be compassionate and appreciative.

Even if the date was a total disaster, you can appreciate the person’s willingness to show up, And you can be compassionate with them, and who they are, in the same way as you’d want someone who was saying “no more” to you to be compassionate.

How deeply (or at all) you go into your reasons depends on how long you’ve been dating, and, most importantly, whether or not you would like to be friends with this person. But you can keep it simple, especially if you haven’t been seeing them for too long.

Example ways of telling someone you don’t want to date them anymore:

  • After a couple of dates: “You know, I’ve really been enjoying getting to know you, but I’m realizing that we have some real differences in our relationship vision, and I don’t think we’re a fit.”
  • After a first or second date: “That was such a nice hike. Thanks for suggesting that new trail. I’ve realized, though, I don’t think we’re a good match for a romantic relationship, but I’d like to talk about being friends.”

Of course, if after a date or two, you can choose simply not to suggest another date, and if she doesn’t suggest one herself, then you are off the hook. We don’t think that’s the best way to go about it, though – it’s worth being upfront and honest.


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