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I came out in 1984, which was quite a long time ago now. When I look back on what lesbian dating looked like then, compared to now, it’s pretty striking. Back then, the primary way women met each other were at the bars, or sometimes meeting through friends. I met my first lover at a bar in Cleveland, Ohio.  If they did that sort of thing back then, there could have been all sorts of reality TV shows about the bar scene back then.

In the 90s, things had changed a little bit, although a lot of women were still meeting other women in bars, or perhaps at softball games. I actually met my first long-term partner at a feminist newspaper. But for a lot of women, newspaper ads were the way to go, and that was how I met my 2nd long-term partner – a short ad in the local paper.

Lesbian dating in the “Twenty-teens” is mostly online.

Sometimes, it’s online dating sites or apps, and other times, it’s through meetup, which provides online information about in-person interest groups. Some women even meet on Facebook.

Then there is the dating process. For a long time, dating basically was have a date or two, if there were mutual interests and chemistry, have sex, then… relationship! And, my bet is that you know that doesn’t actually work. There’s a reason why there’s the joke about lesbians bringing the U-Haul on the second date! But that’s not the way to do it. We’d like to see lesbian dating change dramatically, so that women actually take the time to find out whether they are a match – both in terms of whether they have compatible visions, and also whether they both have the skills to navigate conflict and build intimacy.

What is your lesbian dating life like? How do you meet women to date? Online dating? Meetups? Friends? Join the conversation!



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